Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I also take a very particular pleasure in not repeating my punch lines, because the timing and delivery is critical and I don't want to ruin the funny by butchering it the second time. Let someone else take the fall. If it doesn't come out as good second-hand, I can just say 'you had to be there' and make it seem even more elitist.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I guess all I really want to do is just go backpacking in Hawaii. With John Locke. Kate would be alright too.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Now I'll be honest, I wasn't the biggest fan of the engineering program at Arizona while I was there. Some of my professors were jerks. But they are jerks who make the news. I guess that's what it takes to be the #1 recipient of NASA grant money. So not only do we send a spaceship to Mars, but we're making a holodeck for the Air Force. Awesome. What did your school do today?
Thursday, July 24, 2008
If I was an Olympic athlete I would be boycotting the Beijing games right now just on the grounds of preventing irrevocable respiratory harm to international competitors. I guess the upside would be that I would probably have a better chance of beating everyone who does compete next time, after all that nasty Beijing pollution settles in their lungs and gives them chronic emphysema. But would it be worth it, to come out ahead at the price of harm to so many others? I mean, I know 18 million other people live in Beijing, but only about 2 of them are competing in the 400m hurdles. The rest of them can go about their normal, masked, coughing, polluted lives, because this is their home. The athletes are just visiting, and they deserve the best air in the world for three weeks.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
The best way to prove to all your hip, youthful friends that you are in fact getting more awesome with age is to take spectacular pictures of your exploits and post them all over Facebook, traditionally with as many people tagged in them as possible. Not only will this garner the most exposure for your photographic evidence, but people might starting talking about their horrible facial expressions or how huge your beard is getting. It's a win-win, because all the while they are drawing more attention to pictures where you are either doing something incredibly heroic, looking incredibly baddass, or are surrounded by throngs of good-looking people. If none of these situations are feasible, do not despair: just photoshop it.